Yes, exactly true to say " reality not as wonderful as our illusion dream". So, berbijak pada bumi yang nyata, kalau terjatuh not feel so much pain. My friends always shared the stressful life as postgrad student but me just replied " you need to be strong and all the best. You can do it". We can't exactly estimated others feeling by just understand their stories.
That time, i feel like its ok, i can just give advice. I maybe underestimated or overestimated your feeling because I'm not at your place. Sometime, we just want to share and story our problem with others. Our stressful will release when our friend spend their precious time to hear what happen really happen.
After almost one year struggling to manage for suitable work, finally I decided to further study in master. I make a big decision between my career or my future. I seek advise from my friend who further study, what the best either further study and resign or just continue to work. I know the decision depend on me, I need to decide for my future. What ever my choice, it has advantage and disadvantage.
My best friend offer to settle about hostel and the fee for me. But I really can't decide it. I'm a big sister who responsible for my family. I'm the one who supposed to support my sibling, helping my parent. If I resign, so I can't help my family anymore. I ask my brother, he say if it best for you than just further study. After received my offer letter via email, I sent my resign letter to my company.
Then, I made final decision after discuss with my mum. My bff settle everything for me, really thank to her. Thank God because always send kind peoples around me. There always kind person who care about me. First day of lecture, my coursemate only 4 person include me. Wow, only four person in this course. The lecture just relax because the lecturer hoping for new student coming and our coursemates will increase.
My friend say, "zanariah, you are strong". I said why you talk like that. She replied "We strong enough to continue study because we have friend (our classmate during degree) together to talk when we stress and hang out. If not feel like to surrender. But you are alone there". I just say that ok I will make new friends. (ayat sedapkan hati)
The third week of lecture, I start to feel pressure but still can endure. The pressure increase day by day. I don't want to burden my friend to share my story. But I feel not strong enough and can't handle this. I think I already facing mild mental depression. I feel I can't control this situation but I need to move on. I tell my situation to my friend, they keep saying be strong and u can do it.
At one point, I feel regret resign my work. But I already make decision, I can simply ignore this. I must be responsible to all my action. So, I decide to move one. Although not fully move on, trying to handle my day. When someone expect u to behave like a professor or intelligent student, but u just like ordinary student. Then, I start to depress again. I know master student, should develop creative thinking and figured out situation by yourself. Ok, I will trying to handle this. Please pray for me.
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